It's amazing what you come up with when you want to get rid of someone. Maybe you're too nervous. Maybe you just like being an ass. Either way, here's a few extremely mean break-up lines:
1. "I think I'm allergic to you. *sneeze* Oh my god. *sneeze* I'm sorry *sneeze* this isn't working out. *sneeze* Bye."
2. "The mothership has finally returned to pick me up. I'm sorry but it may be 13.668 light years before I can return to earth. Farewell."
3. "I only dated you because you smelled like bacon and cookies...kind of reminds me of my dead grandmother....but now you just smell plain weird. And I can't deal with that."
4. "I've been seeing someone else. They told me I had to choose someone...and I decided to choose neither. I figured I'm better off without both of you. So bye."
5. "I'm sorry. I found someone better."
6. "Hey, meet [insert name here]. He/She's your new replacement."
7. "Sorry, training for the Olympics just takes up too much of my time. I can't fit you into my schedule anymore."
8. "I'm not dumping you. I'm letting you go."
9. "I ran out of dump lines so I'm just going to use something unoriginal and tell you it's over. It's not you, it's me."
10. "I'm sorry, I have to break up with you. It's best that we start seeing other people. And no, we can't be friends."
11. "I'm going to commit suicide. After dating you, hell should be a breeze."
12. "I'm actually a secret agent working for the F.E.I. I've completed my mission and I will be deported soon. Remember that what happened between us must remain confidential."
13. "My psychiatrist thinks it's best I stop seeing people...Don't worry, it's only for a little while."
14. Send them flowers with the following note: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I just dumped the garbage, now I'm dumping you."
15. "I'm sorry. My ex just got out of prison and still has feelings for me. I'm leaving you for him/her. For your safety, please don't follow me. My ex has no problem going BACK to prison..."
16. "Sorry. Can we reschedule our date? I forgot I already have a cult meeting at the local cemetery this Friday. We're worshipping our Dark Lord, but newcomers are always welcome if you're interested..."
17. "I have to break up with you. I took an IQ test the other day and my results went down. I think your stupidity is contagious."
18. "You can't make me laugh."
19. "I have something to tell you. I was sent from the future to annihilate [insert random name here]. You cannot tell anyone about this. It could alter the fate of mankind."
20. "You're always insulting me. I can't take it anymore!!!"
21. "I'm sorry. You look too much like my grandma. I thought I liked you enough in the beginning to let it go, but it's starting to creep me out. I can't do this anymore."
22. "I just can't get past the fact that you don't like cheese. All the people I've dated in the past loved cheese. This isn't going to work."
23. "My mom told me I could do better. It's not your fault, it's my mother's."
24. Send him/her a text that says "I.L.Y" (I'm Leaving You)
25. "I'm just not feeling it."
26. "I stayed up all night arguing with my dog. We both agree that I spend too much time with you. I don't want him to feel neglected, so it's best that we take a break. Permanently."
27. "I'm going through a weird phase. The other day...I discovered antlers growing out of my butt! What do you think this means?!"
28. "I need to find myself."
29. "I don't want to lie and give you some BS excuse, so I'll just say it all out loud. Plain and clear. I hate you. You're weird, you smell funny. You're insensitive and your jokes are lame. I'm breaking up with you. By the way, you're ugly too."
30. "I might have liked you in the past, but those feelings are LONG gone now."
31. "I've changed. I don't need you anymore."
32. "I think it's time you know the truth...I'm a vampire."
33. "Our astrology signs are not compatible, and I must follow my guiding star."
34. "I don't want to waste my time. Sorry, that came out wrong. I don't want YOU to waste YOUR time anymore."
35. "I'm holding you back. You need to move on to bigger and better things."
36. "It's not you. It's me. I have problems."
37. "I just got diagnosed with extreme stupidity. I'll understand if you don't want to continue this relationship any longer."
38. "My shrink tells me I should expand my horizons. That's why I started dating other people."
Warning: Some of these lines are not guaranteed to work, depending on the level of desperate-ness of your girlfriend/boyfriend. They might not take you seriously.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for you getting slapped or murdered for revenge. Keep in mind that
some people are sensitive and these lines are extremely hurtful. Use them at your own risk.
1. "I think I'm allergic to you. *sneeze* Oh my god. *sneeze* I'm sorry *sneeze* this isn't working out. *sneeze* Bye."
2. "The mothership has finally returned to pick me up. I'm sorry but it may be 13.668 light years before I can return to earth. Farewell."
3. "I only dated you because you smelled like bacon and cookies...kind of reminds me of my dead grandmother....but now you just smell plain weird. And I can't deal with that."
4. "I've been seeing someone else. They told me I had to choose someone...and I decided to choose neither. I figured I'm better off without both of you. So bye."
5. "I'm sorry. I found someone better."
6. "Hey, meet [insert name here]. He/She's your new replacement."
7. "Sorry, training for the Olympics just takes up too much of my time. I can't fit you into my schedule anymore."
8. "I'm not dumping you. I'm letting you go."
9. "I ran out of dump lines so I'm just going to use something unoriginal and tell you it's over. It's not you, it's me."
10. "I'm sorry, I have to break up with you. It's best that we start seeing other people. And no, we can't be friends."
11. "I'm going to commit suicide. After dating you, hell should be a breeze."
12. "I'm actually a secret agent working for the F.E.I. I've completed my mission and I will be deported soon. Remember that what happened between us must remain confidential."
13. "My psychiatrist thinks it's best I stop seeing people...Don't worry, it's only for a little while."
14. Send them flowers with the following note: "Roses are red. Violets are blue. I just dumped the garbage, now I'm dumping you."
15. "I'm sorry. My ex just got out of prison and still has feelings for me. I'm leaving you for him/her. For your safety, please don't follow me. My ex has no problem going BACK to prison..."
16. "Sorry. Can we reschedule our date? I forgot I already have a cult meeting at the local cemetery this Friday. We're worshipping our Dark Lord, but newcomers are always welcome if you're interested..."
17. "I have to break up with you. I took an IQ test the other day and my results went down. I think your stupidity is contagious."
18. "You can't make me laugh."
19. "I have something to tell you. I was sent from the future to annihilate [insert random name here]. You cannot tell anyone about this. It could alter the fate of mankind."
20. "You're always insulting me. I can't take it anymore!!!"
21. "I'm sorry. You look too much like my grandma. I thought I liked you enough in the beginning to let it go, but it's starting to creep me out. I can't do this anymore."
22. "I just can't get past the fact that you don't like cheese. All the people I've dated in the past loved cheese. This isn't going to work."
23. "My mom told me I could do better. It's not your fault, it's my mother's."
24. Send him/her a text that says "I.L.Y" (I'm Leaving You)
25. "I'm just not feeling it."
26. "I stayed up all night arguing with my dog. We both agree that I spend too much time with you. I don't want him to feel neglected, so it's best that we take a break. Permanently."
27. "I'm going through a weird phase. The other day...I discovered antlers growing out of my butt! What do you think this means?!"
28. "I need to find myself."
29. "I don't want to lie and give you some BS excuse, so I'll just say it all out loud. Plain and clear. I hate you. You're weird, you smell funny. You're insensitive and your jokes are lame. I'm breaking up with you. By the way, you're ugly too."
30. "I might have liked you in the past, but those feelings are LONG gone now."
31. "I've changed. I don't need you anymore."
32. "I think it's time you know the truth...I'm a vampire."
33. "Our astrology signs are not compatible, and I must follow my guiding star."
34. "I don't want to waste my time. Sorry, that came out wrong. I don't want YOU to waste YOUR time anymore."
35. "I'm holding you back. You need to move on to bigger and better things."
36. "It's not you. It's me. I have problems."
37. "I just got diagnosed with extreme stupidity. I'll understand if you don't want to continue this relationship any longer."
38. "My shrink tells me I should expand my horizons. That's why I started dating other people."
Warning: Some of these lines are not guaranteed to work, depending on the level of desperate-ness of your girlfriend/boyfriend. They might not take you seriously.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for you getting slapped or murdered for revenge. Keep in mind that
some people are sensitive and these lines are extremely hurtful. Use them at your own risk.
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